Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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