Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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