Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
