you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
