Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
