If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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