Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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