she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
