Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
