I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
