Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
