It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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