She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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