he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
