I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
