did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
