Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
