and you said cock pushups were impossible
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
