at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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