It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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