Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
