my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well you can't waste a boner
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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