I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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