i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
