So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
