weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
