haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
