Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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