I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
