Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
