Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
