we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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