The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
