dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
