It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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