:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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