U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
