I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
