New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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