I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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