At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
