He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
as a side note pls kill me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
