you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
