butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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