Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
