My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am never drinking with the goths again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
