____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we're so committed to being not committed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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