after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Congratulations! We have a period
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