I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
