who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
