my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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