my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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