There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
