Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
