if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
