I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
