You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
